Comments: Good use of magic 3 sentences and figurative languages. It would be better if you make your story more sophisticated by incorporating the internal dialogue of your characters such that we can experience the character’s point of view on the situation in a first-hand manner. It would also help if you expand the moment of you crying such that more sophisticated levels of emotion can be conveyed in your writing.
2. Classmate: Dave Sung
Writing Piece: Short story with Twist
Comments: Clear and concise flow of ideas. The plotline is easy to follow and there is good grammar in the passage. Word choice is not advanced and there is a lack of variety in sentence structure. The plot twist is evident but not entertaining to the audience as the so-called ‘plot twist’ only changes the portrayal of character Captain Cheung without doing much to change the development of the plot itself. Tension is not built up throughout the essay. No descriptive languages are present in the essay. And there is no vivid imagery nor inner dialogues in each of the characters.
3. Classmate: Po Yin Sham
Writing Piece: ‘You Can’t Take It With You Review’
Comments:
Word choice show a sophisticated level of English language usage. There is a great variety in sentence structure. However, it would be better if a central idea is present in the essay. Overall, ideas in this essay are clear and concise. And no details are unnecessary
4. Classmate: Ada
Writing Piece: Short Story with a twist
Comments:
Lack of variety in sentence structure. Word choice was mediocre and vivid imagery + inner thoughts were deeply present in the plot. The Plot twist was present and surprising, though the plot, in general, was extremely hard to follow. It took me 10 minutes to realize that Mr. and Mrs. Roberts are robots and I found it hard to understand the relationship between characters. You should also put the dialogue between characters in separate paragraphs.
5. Classmate: Kacy Tam
Writing Piece: College Entrance Essay: Tell about a creative project, performance or other work of yours and how it reflects your vision or voice.
Comments:
Decent variety in sentence structure. A very strong sense of voice is conveyed in the writing. Your thoughts are presented vividly by incorporating internal dialogue. Ideas were concise and details are easy to follow. The plot, however, is not developed gradually and it would be better if you incorporate details of how you GRADUALLY learn how to not be brought down by fears of others judging you. Overall the essay is nice to read and ideas are concise, organized and entertaining.
Which of your pieces was the most enjoyable to write? Give three reasons and explain?
My short story was the most enjoyable essay to write because through creating my own short story, I was able to express daily issues that typical ICS students faced in school in a humorous, transparent and relatable manner. One way my story reflected daily issues faced by typical ICS students was that it portrayed the popularity hierarchy in a realistic and relatable manner. Arthur, the junior year student, was insecure about his popularity status: he felt ashamed that he did not have 1000 followers on Instagram; He felt sad that he was not part of the most popular social cliche; He felt disappointed that he did not have any leadership position in ICS. The fact that he got rejected by his crush, Jill because he wasn’t popular enough furthered showed how life in ICS can be less enjoyable if you are not popular. Another way my story reflected daily issues faced by ICS students was that it brought up the negative impacts of procrastination and poor time-management on a student’s academics and commitments to school activities. Arthur, just like me and many other people, get distracted when they do homework so as a result, it took them forever to get their assignments done. And our inability to manage our time wisely has led to us and Arthur (the character) being unable to fufill our responsibilities in clubs and other tasks we have committed ourselves to. Lastly, my story involved failed-attempts by high school teens to attract members of the opposite sex. Through including funny but slightly explicit detials of Arthur stalking Jill, such as having Arthur screenshot Jill’s bikini photos posted on instagram, I was able to myself and the audience laugh at the plotline of the story. And my portrayal of teens looking for love can be considered realistic when considering the fact that it is really common for ICS students to stalk others, particularly those of the opposite sex, on social media platforms such as facebook or vsco.
Which of your pieces was the most challenging to write? Give three reasons and explain?
Aside from being the piece that I enjoyed writing the most, my short story is also the piece that I found the most challenging to write. I found it the most challenging to write because It took me a long time to plan my sotry. One reason why it took me a challenging time to plan my story was because I did not know how long should my short story be. Some short stories I have read in highschool were just 2 pages long. But for some, they can go up to 15 pages in length. When I first planned my story, I did not whether to write it 3 pages in length or write it 10 pages in length. I mean, making my short story long provides enough time for tension and suspense to build up yet it creates too much unnecessary detail. And making my short story short does not allow enough time for tension to build up but it prevents my audience from getting bored. And it wasn’t until i have one day to submit my assignment that i had no choice but to shorten my story to just a few pages. Another reason why my short story was challenging to write was because I attempted to make my story funny even when I do not have a humorous personality. I drafted my story in a way that seeked to present daily issues of ICS students in a funny but realistic manner. Yet not having a funny personality, I did not know for sure whether certain details of my plotline are actually amusing to my audience. And because of this, I wasted a lot of time constantly changing details in the plot such that the new revised details would look more ‘humorous’. One last reason why I found this piece challenging to write was because I found it hard to develop a unique sense of voice in descriptive essays. The reason why I couldn’t develop a unique sense of voice in this short story was because I 100% copied the writing style of ‘Owl Creek’ in my story. Growing up, I never read short stories and fictions outside english class and so as a result I did not really have much chances in reading and developing my own story-telling skills. By the time I reached junior year, I literally had zero skill in descriptive writing. And in order to bypass this descriptive short story assignment, I had no choice but to fully copy the devices and techniques of Ambrose Bierce such that my short story would sound good and sophisticated.
What are your strengths and weaknesses as a writer? Explain.
One strength I have in writing is that I express a lot of dramatic emotions in my pieces. And this expression of dramatic emotion can be seen in my essays throughout the entire semester, with one example of this being in my Princeton University entrance essay – ‘The moral obligation of living in a democratic society’ – In order to exaggerate the moral obligation for democratic countries to promote freedom everywhere, I used phrases such as ‘divine mission’, ‘arduous fight’ and ‘gospel of democracy’ to stress the importance of such moral obligations to members of democratic countries. One weakness I have as a writer is that I write with poor grammar. And this is evident from the fact that throughout my college writing essays in quarter 1 I got mostly ⅖ to ⅗ for mechanics and grammar.
What have you done to develop your strengths and minimize your weaknesses as a writer? How successful do you feel you have been? Explain.
One thing I have done to develop my strengths as a writer is to read other great pieces of writing and learn from them. In Quarter 2, I read the short story ‘Owl Creek’ in order to help me write short stories that express emotion, action and vivid imagery better and more expressively. By reading ‘Owl Creek’, I had improved to write more eye-catching and dramatic short stories: I made vivid descriptions of story scenes in order to bring out the atmospheres and backgrounds which contribute to the mood of the plotline and the tone of the story in general; I incoporated the inner dialogue of key characters such that their attitudes towards the external conflict of the plot and their struggle with their own internal conflict can be portrayed vividly and emotionally because we see their internal dialogue in first person; I made sure I included sudden plot twist such that the ending would not be one that the reader would expect to happen.
One thing I have done to minimize my weakness as a writer is to use Grammarly in my writing. During October, Mr. Nollan recommended me to install Grammarly in my chrome extension such that when I type I would know and be able to correct my grammar mistakes. After installing Grammarly, it became clear that I made fewer grammar mistakes in my papers. Another thing I have done to minimize my mistakes is to take the SAT Writing and Language Test class. Since the SAT Writing and Language Test is all about knowing how to use grammar properly, therefore by preparing myself for such a test on grammar I too can subsequently improve my grammar on college writing papers because my knowledge on the usage of grammar has improved after I took the SAT course.
What kind of future career or field of study are you considering? What kinds of writing might be important in this career or field? Explain, giving specific examples.
The field of study I am considering is Anthropology or Psychology. Though descritive essays like short stories are not necessarily needed in this field, knowing how to write expository essays is an essential skill in my degree. Expository essays are essays that present a balanced analysis of a topic. Because of their informative nautre, writters of expository essays must know how to articulate their ideas in a clear and concise manner. They also have to know how to use professional research, statistics, and facts to back up their analysis on issues. One specific example of how expository essays are important in my field will be the research papers university students do in Anthropology or Psychology coures. Particularly in UK universities where students learn mostly by conducting their own research, being able to present and organize their research in expository essays is definitely a great skill to learn as these students are graded mostly by the quality of research papers they hand in.
What advice would you offer the College Writing teachers as they plan this unit for next year? What might be some
additional pieces of writing to add and why? How was the timing and pacing? Did you receive enough feedback? Did you receive enough instruction and input so you knew how to do each assignment? You can make specific comments about specific assignments here. What did you like or not like and why? What would make this unit more student-friendly, provide more learning, or make it more interesting? Explain.
One advice I would offer to college writing teachers as they plan the units for next year is to be more flexible on what type of essays students chose to write. Since students in our class have a big variety of interest and career goals, therefore it would be better for students to focus on imporving writing skills that are important in their careers of interest. The timing and pacing is just right. And we received enough feedback on our papers by which Mr Nollan not only gives us helpful editing suggestions but also scores us on different writing traits such that we know what traits we can improve on in our next writing papers. Instructions for assignments are clear and the class in general is very satisfying: Wordloads are resonable for a regular class; Grades are reflective on a student’s language skills; Class routines are flexible enough to enable students to help each other improve their writing.
It was September 1st 2009. As five-year old me stepped into a new school building, two thoughts came to my mind: Firstly, I no longer get to play with my twin brother in the same school as we are seperated. Secondly, I get to spend my primary school education at a local Chinese-speaking school known as Kei Wing Primary School. Nervously walking into the school doors, I felt excited and anxious at the same time. Before we even got to introduce ourselves to our new teachers and classmates, the entire primary one class was led to an empty chapel hall where we did the signatory move of my new school- Raising the good old Chinese flag.
I was standing in the middle of the hall. Since I was new to local school, I didn’t know what was going on until I heard the Chinese National anthem played on the stage. When the music started, I stood awkwardly for a few seconds as all kids around me began singing along. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to sing or what? The adorous Chinese flag made its way to the top of the flag pole under the adoration of its dear people, and the hymns of the song filled the hall like oxygen filling the Earth. The ceremony finally ended, and I happily rushed out of the chapel hall like a rushing wind, thinking to myself, “Why do we have to do this every monday morning?”
For the rest of 1st and the 2nd grade, I did not really get used to doing the flag raising ceremony every Monday morning. Attending ICS and ESF kindergarten in the past, I was previously raised under a western mindset and did not understand the meaning of glorifying the middle kingdom. In 2nd grade, our headmaster decided to conduct flag raising ceremonies many times throughout the week, more frequent than, say the times we breath oxygen in our lungs. Since I was someone who got bored easily, by the first semester of second grade I was goofing off and making fun of the Chinese flag every time it was raised in defiance of its boredom. Teachers, who were proud members of the People’s Republic of China, of course did not tolerate my disrespectful behavior. One time, my teacher even gave me detention that forced me to copy the phrase “I will not disrespect the Chinese flag!” a hundred times. You can’t force me to be patriotic about the People’s Republic of China! We all have our freedom of belief and don’t you dare impose your beliefs on me unwillingly. A fire burned in my soul in the detention room, as I processed my anger towards the teacher who gave me a detention.
This all changed in the second semester of 3rd grade. As part of the nationalistic education curriculum, we had to study history of the Chinese communist party in the this semester. On one typical Wednesday afternoon, I slept on the desk of my wooden chair when I waited for Mr. Wong to come for our General Studies lesson. Half-asleep at the moment, my eyelids were on the brink of shutting down as I leaned my body towards the wooden desk, ready to fall into sleeping mode at any second. When my eyes were about to close in a second or two, Mr Wong came into the 3B classroom and told us we are going to learn about Chinese history for the rest of the year. Chinese history? The moment he said this, an electric shock hit me at the hypothalamus. And with this shock my brain and eyes flashed opened with energy and awakenness. My incling body bounced straight like a tree. Chinese History? This topic will probably be much more interesting to me than other topics cause I love history. I returned from sleep mode to concentration mood in a few seconds, in hopes to receive the best out of the interesting Chinese history lessons we will learn in class. Yay! Finally general studies will no longer be tedious to me! Cause Ii will no longer be digesting lectures about traffic in Hong Kong and instead be fascinated in the world of history, (in this case, the history of China.
I was right. By the end of third grade, I was so interested and patriotic about the People’s Republic of China after receiving a memorable lesson about China’s history. Throughout the semester, I appreciated the great achievements of PRC founder Mao Ze Dong; I adored China’s international standing as the second biggest economy with the third most powerful military; I received the calling to make my country a better and more powerful place when I grow up. For the whole of summer 2012, I brought Chinese history books from bookstores across Hong Kong. I also begged my parents to bring me for a trip across mainland China. My parents, who were harsh critics of the People’s Republic China, told me that I should see my cultural identity as a Hongkonger rather than a Chinese. Our ancestors are from China! And if our ancestors are from China, how could we only see ourselves as Hong Kongers and forget about our greater identity as part of the Chinese civilization? You are a disgrace to the Chinese people!
It was late summer 2012, and anti-Japanese protest broke out across China after Japan laid claims to the disputed Diaoyu Islands. After reading about Japan’s immense atrocities towards the Chinese people during World War 2, I developed negative views towards Japan. My hate towards Japan busted like a volcano after seeing Japan’s unremorseful attitude towards their actions in World War 2: The Japanese had been condemned by us for their actions in world war 2. Yet not only did they not apologise sincerely, but also they contiued with their imperialic expansion campaign. How could they? How could they take Diaoyu Island from us when they promised to maintain peace after WW2? Sympathzing with the mainland Chinese patriots, I boycotted Japanese restaurants, vandalized japanese flags, and ranted about Japanese politics to my classmates. I became the Japan-is-still-imperialistic-and-evil kid in my 4th grade class. One time at home, the news reported about Anti-Japanese Riots in Shenyang, China. Seeing the Japanese flag screaming in pain and agony as it was burned at the stake like a witch, I burst out laughing, looking at the immense physical torture borne by the Japanese flag.
Time flew by so fast. And soon It was now the last day of my fifth grade year. In the next school year I would be transferring to an english-speaking international school. As the entire fifth grade class was to lead to an empty chapel hall, we did the signatory move of our primary school – raising the good old Chinese flag – I thought to myself, “This will probably be the last time I raise the Chinese flag in school.” I loooked at the glorifed Chinese flag hanging high in the sky, cherishing all the memories I made in this school particularly in terms of developing a proud identity as a member of the People’s republic China. My days in Kei Wing Primary school had been an essential part of my life, and I will never forget the five years spent there.
To get a better glance at my writing skills, it is advised that you read my rough drafts as well as essay outlines. Attached is the link to my rough draft and essay outline. Feel free to click on it and view for yourself.
It was eleven pm on a typical Tuesday night. Nothing unusual, except Arthur the junior had loads of assignments to complete. Just like every normal teenager, off tasking was nothing new to Arthur. Not even able to write a single paragraph on his college writing essay, Arthur made little progress in getting his homework done. Why was he so unproductive? That’s because he spent 90% of his time swiping through his Instagram page located a few tabs away from his school work. Looking at the Instagram feed in his big blue computer screen, Arthur had his 30% done AP Euro long essay located on his left window; Arthur had his 20% done college writing story located on his right window; Arthur had his 0% done MAD proposal paper located on his hidden window…and all these papers were all due tomorrow.
As Arthur focused his utmost attention on his Instagram feed, he had himself clicking the like button for every single post he saw. Nearly every post he saw, whether it be from his friends or some random strangers he knew, had more likes and comments than those of the content Arthur posts. These Instagram posts were big distractions for Arthur, who wished he had 1000 followers on his low profile, 300 followers account. Next to his laptop was his phone. They were either filled with angry complaints from his club leaders for not attending club meetings or were filled with angry insults from his parents for not getting that 3.8 GPA his parents long wanted. Arthur didn’t care about the anger his parents and peers had towards him, yet one thing he certainly would care about was what he’s about to see on his feed.
An interesting post appeared before Arthur’s eyes – JSB 2020 Proposal competition – the rules of the competition were simple: Find a person of the opposite gender, and then propose them to be your date in the upcoming junior-senior banquet. Arthur was a thirsty hoe. He had a history of chasing after popular girls in various grades…yet maybe because he lacked the attractive muscles or social skills…he was not successful in hooking up the popular queen bees.
Quickly, Arthur closed all his homework tabs and set his mind upon the proposal competition. He set his mind on a fashionable model called Jill. Jill was the queen of the social hiearchy. Every week, she would go on a beach day with one of the popular jocks from the sports teams. And she was so popular and high profile that, every time she posts on Instagram all the boys in her grade would like and share the post. Constantly screenshotting Jill’s bikini posts, Arthur knew chasing after this girl was not going to easy. But he was willing to give it a shot cause the potential reward of doing so was impossible to resist.
The following day, Arthur borrowed money from his friends to buy expensive Godiva chocolate. Godiva chocolates were luxury products. And as Arthur was ready to package the chocolate in a beautiful gift box, Arthur dreamed of the day of the banquet, where he would be holding Jill’s hand into the ballroom. His friends would be thankful, his foes would be jealous, and his acquaintances would be mesmerized. Certainly, with a date as attractive as Jill, Arthur’s banquet night would be the most magical night of his life.
It was Thursday. And the first thing Arthur did when he arrived at school was to place the proposal gift in Jill’s locker. Jill’s locker was one floor below Arthur’s. As Arthur made his way down the stairs, he was struck with ambivalent feelings of nervousness and excitement. On one hand, He felt nervous because he was about to approach the Goddess of her life. A Goddess so supreme that she kept Arthur worshiping her in his thoughts and in his deeds. On the other hand, he felt excited because he couldn’t resist the luring rewards of having Jill by his side on the night of the prom. Seeing Jill wrapping his hand around her majestic, elegant gown, Arthur saw himself and Jill walking into the hall, under the eyes of admiration coming from the many envious souls, who wished Jill to be their JSB dates instead of Arthur’s. As Arthur was meters away from Jill’s locker, Arthur calmed his throbbing heart. ‘This will be the defining moment of your high school career’ Arthur said to himself, as he smiled his way across the crowd venturing around the 5th floor hallway.
Arthur couldn’t control himself as he opened Jill’s locker. To Arthur, Jill’s locker was a divine temple of his Goddess. As the locker door slipped open, Arthur humbled himself and slipped the gift into the locker. He was giving his tribute to the Goddess of Jill, not only as an act of worship but also as an act of prayer, hoping Jill would have Arthur’s JSB dreams fulfilled. As Arthur closed the locker door, his lowly soul was awakened by a great sound.
‘What are you putting in my locker?’ Jill said
‘Godiva chocolate’
‘Godiva chocolate! My favorite treat is chocolate. Oh my gosh! I wish I have a man just like you’ Jill replied joyfully as she opened up her gift.
Arthur’s plan had succeeded. He had won the compliment and appreciation of the Goddess of his life. Tears of happiness dripped down Arthur’s eyes. He did it! Now he will go to JSB will the girl he had long wanted. No one will ever see Arthur as a single hoe anymore! No one will see Arthur as an unpopular geek anymore! No one will ever see Arthur as a man with few successes anymore! Arthur’s world instantly turned around and he said the following words.
‘I love you! Will you go on a JSB date with me’
A shocked and jeering Jill immediately slapped Arthur in the face. ‘I ain’t gonna go to JSB with you. I am far from your league’
To Jill, Arthur’s proposal was nothing but a joke to be laughed at. And the rejection Arthur received truly broke his aspiring heart who wished nothing but for her to be his date on the long-awaited JSB prom night.
To get a better overview of my writing skills, feel free to look at my brainstorming document. When you read my brainstorming, please keep in mind that I have altered the plot after initially brainstorming it so the plot mentioned on the brain storming document may not be reflective of the plot mentioned in my final draft listed above.
‘No pain, no gain. If little labor, little is our gain: Man’s fate is according to his pains.’ This famous saying stood out to me as I watch the movie ‘Searching for Bobby Fischer’. The movie is about Josh Waitzkin’s hardfought struggle in becoming the number one child chess player in America. Through his coach Bryce Pandolfini’s strict and rigorous lessons, Josh Waitzkin became motivated to work hard in improving his chess skills. And Josh Waitzkin was similar to a music theory teacher I had in 8th grade by which they both used humiliation and punishment as means to demand obedience from their students. Yet it was through their strict and rigorous teachings that they were both able to bring out successful students, as without force students will not try their best and that’s they need someone like Burce Pandolfini and Miss Ho to force them to work hard.
Flashback 7th grade. I just passed by ABRSM 5th grade horn exam. In order to take your grade 6 Horn exam, you must take the ABRSM music theory test as a prerequisite to higher level horn courses. With this said, my mom signed me up for a music theory class outside of school in the following school year at Pak Shi tutoring center. Relutant and unmotivated, I came to music theory class every wednesday waiting for a chance to persuade my mom to drop the class. The music theory teacher I got assigned to was Ms. Ho. Ms. Ho was similar to Bryce Pandolfini in a way by which they both often resort to humiliation and punishments as a means to demand obedience. Bruce Pandolfini punished Josh Waitzkin when he made mistakes by which every time Josh Waitzkin didn’t follow instructions in class he would deduct virtually all his class mastery points. As for Miss Ho, she was equally punishing. Every week, she would assign me 8 pages of music theory practices. And If I failed to complete all practices correctly… Oh no! She would be raging at me like a Godzilla in class and she would be confining you in the center like a policeman until you correct all your mistakes. Bruce Pandolfini used humilation as a mean to demand Josh’s obedience. And he did so so bluntly that on one occasion Josh’s mom even kicked Bruce out of her house because he was being too harsh when humiliating Josh. Completely Defeated by Jonathan Poe, Josh Waitzkin starting losing interest in playing chess. Feeling no more interest in his previously-loved hobby, Josh ignored Bruce Pandolfini’s instructions in class and told him ‘I’d only listen to you if I give me certificates’ Enraged and frustrated, Bruce stacked pieces of certificates on the desk, and flicked them towards Josh’s face as he lectured him about how the certificates are a useless piece of paper. Dripping to tears by Bruce’s humiliation, his protective mom Bonnie Waitzkin kicked Bruce Pandolfin out of the house and suspended chess lessons for a period of time. In a similar manner, Miss Ho humiliated her students when they ignore her instructions. Just because I got 10 questions wrong on my worksheet because i didn’t follow her instructions, Miss Ho ripped the entire worksheet into pieces and threw the pieces at me like a rock thrown at an adulterous women. Hearing the sound of paper tearing, my heart shattered into pieces. I spent two hours trying to work out this worksheet. Yet you treated my hard work as a piece of trash! How could you do something like that!
Yet however, it was through their strict and rigorous teachings that Bruce Pandolfini and Josh Waitzkin were both able to bring out successful students. Hadn’t Josh learned a chess strategy given by a coach Pandolfini, he wouldn’t be able to defeat his longstanding rival, Jonathan Poe, in his tournament at New York. Hadn’t I got motivated to complete my music theory practices on time, I wouldn’t have got a distinction (highest grade possible) in my music theory exam because without force I would not do music theory practices on my own. Thanks to her rigorous lessons pushing students to work hard, a majority of Miss Ho’s students have gotten distinction in their music theory exam. And because my mom was impressed by the amazing results students of Miss Ho received on the ABRSM exam, my mom decided to enroll my twin brother in her music theory course in the 2017-2018 school year.
Hard and painful work is an essential factor in creating success. And because some people wouldn’t want to work hard on their own, therefore they must need tough coaches like Bruce Pandolfini and Miss Ho to push them. Through their use of punishments and humiliation when dealing with unmotivated students, Bruce and Miss Ho were able to force their students in becoming the best version of themselves and this is an outcome I believe all educators should aim for in their students. Achieving a goal is not an overnight business, it may takes days, months and even years of continuous hard work. That is why I believe educators should uphold the golden rule ‘No pain, no gain. If little labor, little is our gain.’ This is all it takes to be a top achiever. Yet are you determined enough to work towards being one?
Due to the unavailability of a rough draft, no rough draft copy or peer edit document will be attached to this blog.
In the twenty-first century world, one of the biggest issues discussed is the debate between cultural unity and cultural uniformity. What exactly is the difference between unity and uniformity? Well one big thing that sets a line between the two, is the extent to which differences are tolerated between a society that advocates for cultural unity versus a society that advocates for cultural uniformity. A society that advocates for cultural unity would tolerate those of different cultures. While a society that advocates for cultural uniformity would not tolerate so. As members of such societies, chosing to conform to mainstream cultures or not should be a matter of personal choice. And based on my values and beliefs, I believe one should only conform to mainstream cultures unless one is sure by doing so can bring themselves better human flouishing and meaning.
A society that advocates for cultural unity would tolerate those of different cultures. While a society that advocates for cultural uniformity would not tolerate so. The word unity often indicates coorperation of different parties under a common goal, that is, in the context of society better human flouishing, happiness, and living. In order for coorperation between different cultures to occur, each culture must show basic respect towards each other and this means to tolerate those of different cultures than them. As for a society that advocates for cultural uniformity, the word ‘uniform’ means ‘single’. And for a society to be culturally uniformed it must only have on single culture. And in order to have only one single culture in that country, members of the other cultures must be assimilated into adopting a culture not belonging to them, which is, often done through violence against other’s will. That is why a culturally unfied society is better than a culturally uniformed society. Under unification, people enbrace tolerance and peace. But under uniformity, people embrace intolerance and conflict. The single element of tolerance is what seperates the peaceful ideology with the draconian one, and it is something we desperately in modern society. And based on my values and beliefs, I believe one should only conform to mainstream cultures unless one is sure by doing so can bring themselves better human flouishing and meaning. Think about this? If you wanted to conform because others judge you for being different than them, then why should you punish yourself for being who you truly are. Their culture is no way better than yours, and if you get made fun of and discriminated, then its their problem and not yours. There is no way you should bondage yourself with the mask of ‘cultural conformity’. But if you believe, without any social pressure or peer influence, that you can bring yourself better understanding and flouishing through adopting a culture foreign to yours, of course you are welcomed to change your mask in the will of your free soul. For I believe every single human being is born with the free right to change who they want to become, but they should not be born with the obligation to wear a mask under the scumbling dictatorship of cultural uniformity and discrimination.
Tolerance is what draws a line between unity and uniformity. In a truly culturally united society, you won’t have to conform to other cultures because you will never be judged for being who you truly are. That is why we, as responsible citizens of the global community, should uphold the gospel of cultural unity and diversity. For I believe in a society that gives people the free will to exercise their own culture without being judged or penalized with any strip of their flouishing taken away from them.
Due to the nature of the writing assessment, no rough- editing or peer-reviewing can be done in this essay.
One thing that makes me come alive is my interest in politics of various nations.From a young age, I had paid close attention to politics and histories of different regions and as I now recall my childhood memories of when I started to love politics, I was confronted by my past days as a patriot upholding the Chinese communist regime; an expert who knows everything about the North Korean Kingdom; And nowadays a politics lover whose interest fo world politics is diminished by the academic pressures of boring school subjects.
When I was a young child, I attended a local primary school, and being part of a local primary school means that I would be constantly exposed to Pro-China propagandas as part of my nationalist educataion. Since grade 3, I had known about most of the Chinese dynasties. And by grade 4, I had been so interested in China’s political history that for everyday of my 2013 summer I made models of the Forbidden city without leaving time to do my summer homework. During grades 4 and 5, I was exposed to the horrors of the Sino-Chinese war for which I learned about the intense atrocities Japanese soldiers did to the armless Chinese civilians half a century ago. This caused great conflict in my values and the beliefs I stand for. As empathizing with my dearly loved Chinese people, I began to hate the nation of Japan and started boycotting Japanese restaurants and burning Japanese flags at my house. I also admired the ‘dear leader’ known as Mao Ze Dong, who selflessly led his army against Japan at a time when the ruling Kuo Ming Tang made no efforts to stop the drakonian Japanese intruders.
In 2014, I transferred from a local primary school to an international school. My love for Chinese politics diminished when I was exposed to the liberal western values. At some point of fall 2014, my interest in politics came to a halt. This all changed in the summer of 2015 when I read about North Korea’s nuclear program. Since then, I had become obsessed with the hermit kingdom a lot. I still remember for the first quarter of 7th grade, I never did my homework on time because of a ridiculous reason – I was busy watching North Korean documentaries and travel videos without having much incentive to complete my homework- Even at rare moments when I actually tried to do my work, I listened to North Korean propaganda songs while working. As a result of my obsession with North Korea, I earned myself the nickname of ‘Kim Jong Un’ by my peers in 7th grade. Every time a holiday starts, I’d be seen begging on my knees in front of my parents for an airplane ticket taking me to North Korea in order to learn about their politics. Yet my keen and desperate requests were largely ignored by my parents’ who would in turn every time reply to me “You’d be executed by Kim upon your arrivals in Pyongyang’. I don’t know whether they are serious or joking, but looking back now, I realized my parents are telling me the authoritarian, stalinist nature of the hermit kingdom i was once really obsessed for.
Now in high school, I don’t have much time to explore world politics due to the extreme pressures of school academics and popularity. However,I would occasionally still look up activists of different political views like Lauren Souther or Paul Joseph Watson in order to explore current events. As I am going to end my secondary school career within 2 years, I am looking to study Politics or law in university and maybe pursue a career in political activism when I grow up.
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To get a better glance at my writing skills, it is advised that you read my rough drafts as well as peer edits. Attached is the link to my rough draft and peer edit. Feel free to click on it and view for yourself.
“Empathy is not simply a matter of trying to imagine what others are going through, but having the will to muster enough courage to do something about it…” This is a quote from the famous essay – “The Moral Obligation of Living in a Democratic Society”.- This quote resonated with me a lot in terms of my experiences as an AP World student during my sophomore year. Among all topics of this history class, I found the reading about the Anti-Apartheid movement in South Africa very interesting. The end of apartheid had a lot to do with this quote. I daresay without the empathy of democratic nations, this evil system would never end till this day.
AP World class 2018-2019
The struggle against segregation had existed since its beginnings in 1948. The African National Congress peacefully resisted the oppression imposed upon them. Starting in 1952 members of the African National Congress burned their pass books – a symbol of the stigma labelled towards black people in that country- They organized many non-violent rallies in their townships throughout the 1950s. Yet no matter how strife-free these movements may have seemed, they were largely ignored by the government. Beginning in the 1960s many ANC activists, most notably Nelson Mendela, were either arrested or executed. Policemen opened fire at protestors in Sharpeville, killing 67 and injuring 180. As I read to here, a flame of anger burned in my soul. How can you ruthlessly kill unarmed protestors that didn’t harm you at the first place? Thankfully, the United Nations had enough empathy to stop the violence. Through economic sanctions imposed in the 70s and 80s, the UN was able to pressure South
Africa to dismantle this system and release activists. The first nationwide multi-race election was conducted in 1994, with Nelson Mandela elected as the first African president. Though Nelson Mandela was often credited for ending the apartheid system, I personally think it was the compassion of the United Nations that placed an end to it. Had there not been spirits of sympathy stirring up the hearts of the global community, the South Africans may just as well have continued to live under the hellish conditions of racial segregation.
As a part of the United Nations, we have a divine mission to battle injustice around the world. We are to uphold the gospel of freedom and human rights throughout the four corners of the Earth. We are to fight human rights violators, with the sword of justice and the spear of the people. In a way, empathy is also based upon hope. And with enough determination, we are sure that we can end the reign of all unjust regimes with power coming from economic sanctions and international criticism. And we are sure that one day we will free all the oppressed with spirits of kindness and righteousness burning in our hearts. This is the divine calling for all people living in free nations . And are you willing to take part in this arduous fight?
To get a better overview of my writing skills, it is highly suggested that you read my rough drafts+ peer edit+ Planning doc…Attached is the document that shows my rough draft, peer edit and planning for essay. Feel free to click and read it.
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