PEER Feedback comments

1. Classmate: Haley Lam

Writing Piece: Descriptive writing

_Comments: Good use of magic 3 sentences and figurative languages. It would be better if you make your story more sophisticated by incorporating the internal dialogue of your characters such that we can experience the character’s point of view on the situation in a first-hand manner. It would also help if you expand the moment of you crying such that more sophisticated levels of emotion can be conveyed in your writing.

2. Classmate: Dave Sung

Writing Piece: Short story with Twist

Comments: Clear and concise flow of ideas. The plotline is easy to follow and there is good grammar in the passage. Word choice is not advanced and there is a lack of variety in sentence structure. The plot twist is evident but not entertaining to the audience as the so-called ‘plot twist’ only changes the portrayal of character Captain Cheung without doing much to change the development of the plot itself. Tension is not built up throughout the essay. No descriptive languages are present in the essay. And there is no vivid imagery nor inner dialogues in each of the characters.

3. Classmate: Po Yin Sham

Writing Piece: ‘You Can’t Take It With You Review’

Comments: 

Word choice show a sophisticated level of English language usage. There is a great variety in sentence structure. However, it would be better if a central idea is present in the essay. Overall, ideas in this essay are clear and concise. And no details are unnecessary

4. Classmate: Ada

Writing Piece: Short Story with a twist

Comments:  

Lack of variety in sentence structure. Word choice was mediocre and vivid imagery + inner thoughts were deeply present in the plot. The Plot twist was present and surprising, though the plot, in general, was extremely hard to follow. It took me 10 minutes to realize that Mr. and Mrs. Roberts are robots and I found it hard to understand the relationship between characters. You should also put the dialogue between characters in separate paragraphs.

5. Classmate: Kacy Tam

Writing Piece: College Entrance Essay: Tell about a creative project, performance or other work of yours and how it reflects your vision or voice.

Comments:

Decent variety in sentence structure. A very strong sense of voice is conveyed in the writing. Your thoughts are presented vividly by incorporating internal dialogue. Ideas were concise and details are easy to follow. The plot, however, is not developed gradually and it would be better if you incorporate details of how you GRADUALLY learn how to not be brought down by fears of others judging you. Overall the essay is nice to read and ideas are concise, organized and entertaining.